kossai: feminine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (feminine magic)
kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-12 12:52 pm

thoughts

not really in position to want to accept donations or payments for anything on itch , but think about what to do if someone did want to anyway . would " gift something from wishlist " be too gauche ? still use money to support someone , while also give kossai something fun to play with :P

then again , not sure how itch gifts work , or if able to send gifts by username . if only able to gift by email , eh ... use alias email anyway , but still , rather not just put that directly on public profile for everyone to see !
kossai: feminine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (feminine magic)
kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-12 10:53 am
Entry tags:

OK , really impatient .

patience is not virtue kossai hold very well . there is no external factor which force kossai to hold off , therefore , want to post games right away ! especially because have to sit on art for tes blog event , waaaah .

glad to get at least one night of sleep on this , though - there was some stuff to tweak !
manor of glamour is now also up . sorry :P
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-10 11:54 pm
Entry tags:

release ~ faerie thorns, faerie roses

honestly nervous about this since start , but sometimes have to realise that to put off scary thing just make scarier . this is one of those times - can not tinker forever , or this will never come out because simply feel more and more inadequate . no reason to say kossai can not make changes or additions later anyway , but even then maybe better to just accept rough edges - first time ever try something like this , after all .

come look at faerie thorns, faerie roses , journal game about faerie in love with human :)
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-10 05:18 pm

play troubles

have lots of games that want to play , but can narrow down 2 that really want . unfortunately both come with struggles .

a faerie court visitation : prompts really beautiful . unfortunately because of how kossai words , can not really think of any way to play with these prompts . sort of consider maybe do little collage scenes ? but that is also extra physical pain and effort .

fey court chaos : really want to fuck around and find out . this one is multiplayer design though , need to pre-make things in order to have playable game , and for some reason really have trouble with that .

ugh . what to do ...
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-09 08:13 pm

oops

need to play some more games to fill out this collection on itch , but not really sure where to start because have so many to try - and more still that do not actually own yet , but would like to . some of these multiplayer tabletop games that need special adaptations for solo play , which really want to include for plural sake - want to figure out , can one brain decently keep track of everything , and what things might need to change to make that work .

some of these also larger campaign settings , or supplements for other settings , so should really try and organise ...
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-09 04:34 pm

oops

to battle anxiety over game , kossai now design some premade characters . want to demonstrate how various traits can play off of each other to make fun dynamics , whether or not players actually choose to use any of these characters .

... OK , so sure , some of these might literally be kossai playtest characters . shhh .
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-09 12:45 pm

is plurality alterhuman ?

crosspost from tumblr - original post link . did initially want to just keep these thoughts to dreamwidth access list , but feel like this may balloon into something worse . not sure if this will help , but might as well try , especially if folks who do not know history really want to spout off .

notice there is now some discussion of whether or not plurality is or should be inherently alterhuman , with argument that this dehumanise . but think there is some really important context that need to consider , especially if make these arguments as singlet ( literally stop that ) or strictly dissociative plural .

alterhumanity do not mean experience is literally and inherently nonhuman - this is misconception that lead to exclusion of certain experiences and discussions , for one thing . but beyond that , alterhumanity is also about relationship to societal standards of typical ( earthly , mundane ) humanity . 

think about how many people and cultures over time have stories about things like demonic possession , spirit channelers , even mimics and body double replacements . whether or not regard these stories to be true , and some of these might even be positive , these people still break norm . one human body should have one inhabitant - to have more is either to be exceptional , or meet with terrible circumstance . in any case , out of ordinary , noteworthy .

and truthfully , these stories and standards did not end centuries ago . how often do these things come up in media , where characters live plural lives through these circumstances , yet never really call plurality ? how often do these things need some sort of fix , trick , exorcism , banishment ?

this is egregious enough that even when real life people explicitly have diagnosis of DID or OSDD and fit near perfectly into psychiatric framework , some people consider that to be literal demonic or spirit possession in modern times , speak as if uncontrollable monster , believe correct kind of faith will " fix " . even in recent history , some psychiatrists treat plural patients in ways not very far off from exorcists .

hard to argue that singlet identity is not current societal standard of humanity , and that many people - both historically and currently - consider deviation to be inherently inhuman . people just do not always say in those exact words . 

beyond that , some plural experiences actually do follow explanations of spirituality , religion , and non-earthly worlds . this is main perspective that terms like gateway come from : there is earthly world here , other non-earthly worlds out there , and this body act as vehicle for inhabitants of such worlds to explore earth . even human inhabitants may have perspectives and experiences that do not line up with societal standards of humanity here , in at least some part because plurality inherently break those standards . 

would love to see world in future where there is no standard of which humans really human after all , but in meantime , standards do still exist . so , alterhuman is open to all who feel experiences do not line up with societal standards of what typical human can or can not be - and by design , this can include plurals , especially of gateway and spiritual experiences . 

to round off , would suggest to read this post by x-rds ( coiners of alterhuman ) about this very same discussion . everyone have right to choose whether consider personal plurality as alterhuman , however , important to understand why some might want to in first place .

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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-09 01:27 am

worries and woes

start to get really nervous that this game is not really any good after all , and try to figure out why think that ... and honestly , think main hitch is just prompt style .

different journal games have different prompt styles . some games take very short prompts which intend for player to combine by random shuffles - pull 4 cards to meet up with 2 characters , in this 1 place , while this 1 strange event occur . some games write prompts to evoke poetic scenery , intend for player to generally follow path - different players will have different branches , but game do not try to throw twists or interruptions . others still write simple prompts , and follow those up with questions for player to work through that may indeed throw twists .

kossai use this last style . as example :
faerie take human out to market, to shop for crafts and trinkets - though many objects unfamiliar to human.
did any strange objects grab attention? if so, which ones and why?
did faerie provide enough guidance to avoid accidents, magical and mundane alike?
 

but feel like this seem to be less common style of prompts . maybe just look in wrong games or something ? tending write prompts like these , though , and absolutely love tending . not play singö yet , but that is another one with similar prompt style .

still not sure if every individual prompt is good enough , but might just need to rip bandaid and publish sooner rather than later . there is one in particular that think might be kind of weak as is , but apart from that , really do not want to get all perfectionist .
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-07 09:05 pm

aughhh

need to have self control . want to publish this journal game document absolutely right now , but really should run through at least one more basic playtest , and try to get some feedback on prompts to make sure other people do not think any of these terrible .

but like , playtest and patience is not fun ! waaah .
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-07 11:36 am

dream journal ~ journal games

problem with work on journal game design is that currently have dreams about snippets of journal games that do not exist , and more than that , not actually good or substantial enough ideas to work into anything .

but sort of curious now if any dream journal-based journal games exist , whether framework to play with real dream journal , or just create some weird dreams and then analyse . :P
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Joy ([personal profile] givemeyourhonor) wrote2025-08-05 08:35 pm

Vns

Started playing the VN Paradise and I'm pretty hooked. The premise of "Island Vacation gone terribly wrong," isn't the rarest idea, but the way it's playing out is interesting. And Azuma's mental state is a little too real for me at points. I'm not too far yet, but I'm intrigued. I snagged some vns because my dominant hand is bothering me so gaming has to be light.

This is hitting the spot.

I also have Vampire Therapist to play next, so that will be fun.
kossai: feminine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (feminine magic)
kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-05 05:58 pm

hmm

wonder how people play test journal games , especially just by nature of journal games - want to get really into process , not worry about weeds .

see , kossai get sudden epiphany recently , and now have most of journal game actually write up and just about ready for test - but not sure how to do that because obviously know ins and outs of everything , as well as already have particular ideas and interpretations .

think maybe when done with this document , will upload on neocities and put link to that here on access list , then see if anyone want to read over or try out play . if that go well , would like to put on itch . ( and probably still mirror on neocities , just because mirror is good to have . )

probably thing which most unsure of is score system , and not entirely sure how to test that effectively without literally just roll dice and track different score spreads - in other words , not even really play game !

kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-04 01:09 pm

faerie gifts ~ assemblage of thoughts

question from tumblr :
You mentioned something about not leaving haphazard gifts for fae, which obviously makes a lot of sense, though I was curious if there are any basic things to know about the dos and don't of offering gifts to fae? I imagine such things are a case by case basis and would depend on the fae in question and any number of other factors, but are there any things that are good to keep in mind when considering if a gift is more likely to be appreciated or offending?
answer :

hehehe , did hope someone would ask to elaborate on clothes thing - this sound like great reason ! ;D

somewhat long under cut , with thoughts on various kinds of objects - and some non-objects .

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Joy ([personal profile] givemeyourhonor) wrote2025-08-03 07:09 pm

The friends we meet along the way, a Malleus/Deuce fic

Title: The friends we meet along the way
Fandom: Twisted Wonderland
Pairing/Characters: Malleus/Deuce
Rating: T
Notes/Warnings: Done for ficwips 5k AU discord Challenge
Summary: While on a quest to slay a dragon and save his mother, Deuce Spade meets a stranger on the road.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/68647301
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-03 12:45 pm
Entry tags:

come away ~ fun faerie game !

just find this one on hunt yesterday . come away is short TTRPG design for 3 to 5 players and one game master , in which band of faeries return home and find poor human visitor . visitor would like to leave - return home safely , sell stolen goods , or even rescue another mortal - but faeries , of course , have another idea .

but , kossai is kossai ! still design 3 player characters , but fill all 4 of these roles - no one else play in cofront , just alone right now to test things out .

and yeah , little bit of juggle between sheets , but really fun ! given short and sweet scope , single setting in 3 rounds , would say nothing like gemulator is necessary . there is only one adaptation which make so far - determine turn order by d6 per each character . this work out because kossai have 3 characters and 3 d6 , so could just roll all at once . highest number go first , lowest number go last . if anyone tie , just roll those dice again and pick next highest from that . :P

could probably fudge around some numbers and rules to actually adapt for 2 or even 1 player character , but think that might be less interest because part of fun is how characters can play off of each other's actions and have different specialties . wonder if adaptation for multiple visitor characters could work - should faeries band together to focus on just one mortal , or will each one go for different mortal ? would definitely need more than 3 rounds , and nerf attention damage , unless party was even bigger than 5 . and then at that point would have other adaptations to make , so pbffft .

oh , and yes , did successfully ensnare mortal in faerie realm :3
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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-08-01 10:16 am

multigender experiences

crosspost from tumblr .

feel like no matter how label , people try really really hard to control multigender sexualities , and refuse to understand why these would be hard to explain .

kossai is gay bigender man and woman , with exclusive attraction to men and forms of masculinity and manhood . that do not change even when woman , nor do word of choice change . continue to say gay because this womanhood inherently tie to manhood - still come from different place than what people know to be straight . not really much into label hunts , but like , yeah something like turigirl is probably not wrong .

but labels like turigirl and lesboy always under scrutiny , because of this idea that feminine genders must be wholly un-masculine to be real . to be both man and woman in any possible combination is effectively sacrilegious , and to use gender language at all is some kind of dirty invasion . that come right from transphobe playbook , so honestly not sure how this feel like right thing to do .

maybe someone else would be comfortable to be gayhet , but then still get attack on how that is " contradictory and ridiculous " . after all , total opposite or whatever . never mind any complexities , just , wrong outright and not worth consideration .

like 75% of queer label arguments just come from refusal to see multigender experiences as " real " experiences of any gender . this post is largely from man-woman perspective , given nonsense about how masculine genders taint and invalidate feminine genders , but honestly this is true for so many multigender experiences , and any labels that multigender people might use for description .

kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (masculine magic)
kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-07-31 09:05 pm

not everything is genderfuck

crosspost from tumblr , because this is real frustration sometimes .

something that honestly really irk is when people try to decide for others what is " genderfuck " - and worse , when use this specifically to insult .

woman can have beard and not be genderfuck , simply because beards not inherently masculine - literally just hair that grow out of face . in fact , that woman might feel that facial hair is most womanly thing about body , and have full right to say so .

man can wear dresses and not be genderfuck , simply because dresses not inherently feminine - literally just fabric which drape and sew in certain ways . in fact , that man might feel that dresses most manly thing about presentation , and have full right to say so .

anyone can wear anything , and exist with any body part , simply because these things do not have inherent gender qualities . can very well decide that any aspect personally represent any gender , and have full right to say so .

to be genderfuck is intentional , self-chosen label . to call others genderfuck just because of these aspects , especially in negative way , just reinforce expectations of binary . which is shitty to everyone .

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kossai ([personal profile] kossai) wrote2025-07-31 12:46 pm

great news ! so great news !

well ... unfortunately , that broken sentimental is still broken , and unable to find missing piece .

however , by stroke of luck , was able to find completely different lost things - all of dream journal pictures and mp3s ! was certain that lose these because no longer in any of main backups , but manage to track down another backup which still intact ! joy of joys !
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Joy ([personal profile] givemeyourhonor) wrote2025-07-30 08:52 pm

(no subject)

That moment when you decide you want to try to do something like developing a drawing habit, and your wrist decides to start hurting :/

I guess it's vn time. I snagged Vampire Therapist and Paradise, but I'm also going to get caught up on twst. Admittedly, I'm getting twst'd out a little since I read a bunch of volumes of the manga I'm reading the light novel for hearts, so I'm hoping for a break (not from fandom/fanfiction though.)

Also started watching Gundam Wing. I think I tried years ago and never got far, but new content left me curious and it had such an impact on western fandom back in the day that I want to see it for that reason alone. I'm also still catching up on Vinland Saga and Too Perfect Saint.

And right now I'm going through Kamen Rider Wizard which is a lot of fun. Fights look good and everyone is so stylish.

Reading wise, still in the War and Peace trenches. Like I mentioned, I'm also reading the Heartslabyul manga. And I'm reading the Virgin Crown by M.A. Wellons.

Manga and Webcomic wise, I'm keeping up with Senza Replica and started Monochrome Rumor. Have a few others to finish. I need to start making a schedule for checking in here and posting.